I Can See You (The Gods Made Me Do It Book 5) Read online

  Poseidon eyed him calmly. “Are you still holding that petty grudge about me and Thoth? For fuck’s sake. You’re better than that.”

  “It’s got nothing to do with that.” But as Artemas said it, he knew his reaction against Silvanus had everything to do with that and Poseidon knew it. “Okay, have it your way. It’s got everything to do with the way you and Thoth turned my birth into a full scale feud. You knew he was married, but it didn’t stop you fucking him. He was an academic. He wouldn’t have known what hit him when you poured on the charm. He dumped me. He dumped me because his wife couldn’t stomach seeing him care for or show feelings for the proof of his infidelity.”

  “She always was a narrow minded woman,” Poseidon scowled, probably thinking about her. “You’d think she’d loosen up a bit. Times were different then. We were all different then. Fidelity was nothing more than an abstract construct until the Christian religion got their hands on the masses. If Thoth had shown an ounce of the wisdom he was known for, he wouldn’t have married her in the first place. I was not the first man he bent over for and I wouldn’t have been the last.”

  “You’re missing the point,” Artemas gritted his teeth as all the hurt from the past came flooding to the fore. “You knowingly seduced a married man on a bet, from Uncle Zeus of all people. I was the result. You weren’t there when Thoth’s wife was subjecting me to the hell of a thousand cuts, you were too busy getting your dick shined by a hundred other people. And then, when Thoth finally took his nose out of a book long enough to realize what was happening, what did he do? Stand up for me? Fight for me? Let his wife know I was worth something? No. He dumped me on your doorstep, and we all know how fucking happy you were about that. Not! I was ten years old.”

  “Which was considered nearly an adult at the time. Remember children were working from as young as five in the old days.”

  Even now, he won’t admit what he did was wrong. “But I didn’t get put to work, did I?” Artemas raged. “If I had, at least I would’ve seen people aside from the hurt faces of your latest conquests when you kicked them out before the cum you covered them in dried. That was the only way I even knew you were home or that other people even existed. Thoth abandoned me, and you acted like I wasn’t even there. Even the Mer guards wouldn’t have anything to do with me, and why? Because you were fucking them too.”

  “I don’t expect you to understand….”

  “That’s freaking great, because I don’t understand. I never did. Why was I even conceived? No, don’t answer that. I remember you telling me when I was twelve. You were a mistake.” Artemas could mimic Poseidon perfectly. “A mistake! And you’ve never let me forget it. Thoth couldn’t even be bothered to visit, even when his many wives left him. You were too busy screwing anything with legs or tails to care about raising your son. Never once, in the thousands of years of my existence have I ever felt I was worth more to you than a discarded condom.”

  “If condoms were around then, you wouldn’t be here to have this conversation.”

  Ouch. After thousands of years, Artemas should have known not to let his father’s sarcastic barbs hurt him. But they still did. Painfully so. Artemas pulled his pride around him like a cloak. He would not let his father see how badly his words wounded him. “We have nothing further to talk about, Lord Poseidon. In fact, I doubt we ever did. I would appreciate it, if you’d return that wretched book to your friend. He’s another one of your fuck buddies, most likely, so I have no desire to read his odes to you. Kindly inform him that I wouldn’t take one of your rejects as my mate if he was the last being in the universe.”

  “Artemas, it’s not….”

  “I don’t want to hear anything you’ve got to say. Do you ever wonder why I rarely date? Do you ever stop to come out of your own reality once in a while and consider how your behavior looked to your sons? Do you even want to know what I thought when I saw Silvanus for the first time and realized what he was supposed to be to me? Oh, great, I thought, another ancient being who’s only concept of fidelity is sticking to one brand of coffee for longer than a week. I deserve better. You never believed it, Thoth definitely didn’t, but I fucking deserve better and I’m not going to get that with your friend, so the pair of you can just fuck off and leave me the hell alone.”

  Fortunately, his Australian hideout wasn’t the only one Artemas used. Translocating to the remote Fiords in New Zealand, Artemas rubbed his aching head, as he blinked back his tears. I fucking hate my life.

  /~/~/~/~/

  Back in Australia.

  “There you go, you saw for yourself what I did to him in his own words,” Poseidon waved at the spot now vacated by his eldest son. “I didn’t know how to care for a child when he was little, I’m only learning how to do that now and it’s too late to make any difference to him. He won’t let go of his pain – he’s carried it too long, and while he carries it, he won’t ever accept you, or anyone else as a mate. I’m so sorry, my friend.”

  “He’s never had anyone to prove to him he had any worth.” Silvanus shook himself free of the shadows. “Surprising in a way, given that he raised your other boys without complaint. He cares about them, surely?”

  “He adores them.” Poseidon smiled at the memory. “He was forever reading them stories when they were little, tucking them up in their beds at night, cooking their meals even when he could’ve easily magicked up anything they needed. I like to think they’re all still close, even though Lasse and Nereus are mated now. But you can see now, why I thought it was a good idea for you to hear Artemas’s story, and his perception of it, for yourself.”

  “You goaded him with your condom comment,” Silvanus observed wryly. “That had to hurt him.”

  “It was necessary,” Poseidon did look troubled. “If I’d have just tried to talk to him about you or anything else, I would’ve been met with platitudes and been fobbed off. Artemas has built a shield around him ten miles thick. It’s only when he’s angry that the truth comes out and you heard it. I was a dick-shit dad. I should’ve insisted on Thoth visiting his son like Abraxas did. I should’ve spent time with him when he was young, teaching him values and letting him know he was cared about. But I was a lot younger then, and once he became an adult, I didn’t realize he was still hanging onto stuff from the past. Clearly, he has. I’m just sorry this is going to hurt you both. I never meant for this to happen.”

  “The one thing none of us can do is rewrite history, my friend,” Silvanus said thoughtfully. “I’m thinking my decision to give him time to process the concept of having me as a mate was the wrong idea. There’s a good chance Artemas took my leaving as another rejection, and my comments about being able to see him whenever I wanted as high-handed and a means to control him. Maybe I should’ve been honest from the start and told him if I stayed in that hotel suite another minute, we’d have both been naked.”

  “He would never have allowed that,” Poseidon shook his head. “I’ve never met anyone with such prudish ideas about sex than him.”

  “It’s not prudish to want and expect fidelity. It’s just a concept many gods have an issue understanding.” Silvanus sighed, taking in the clean air, and the bush surrounding the water hole. “He has a beautiful home. I could be very happy here.”

  “No wonder the Fates thought he was perfect for you,” Poseidon said, looking around as though seeing the land for the first time. “Not far from the sea, either. My friend, look, this isn’t easy for me to say, but I care for you and Artemas both. I just can’t see a mating between you working, not now. I’ll go to the Fates with you, if you like. I’ll explain the damage I’ve done to my son, and take full responsibility. Maybe they’ll find it in their hearts to give you another.”

  “And reinforce to Artemas he’s not worthy? I’ve no intention of doing that. I do want him. I want him now more than ever.” Silvanus reined in his emotions. They were for Artemas, not his mate’s father. “Thank you for today, harsh as it was to hear his anger and pain, you’ve done w
hat I asked and let me know what I’m dealing with. You go on home; your mate will be worried about you. Give your delightful twins a hug from me. I’ll be by again to visit and meet your mate once this issue with Artemas is resolved, I promise.”

  Poseidon wavered, but as Silvanus hoped, the urge to go home was strong and he disappeared. Wandering along the trail, following the call of his book, Silvanus took strength from the tangled bush around him. It was land like this that was exactly as nature intended it – tall trees providing cover from the sun for the mess of smaller bushes and plants below. Birds, so many different varieties, sung and flew, chattering to each other, totally oblivious to him passing. Silvanus smiled as he heard a Kookaburra laughing from his perch on a nearby tree, and then slowed his step as a pair of fantails buzzed around him, curious as they always were. Artemas might not realize it, but he owned a slice of paradise on earth, and it was clear he respected it.

  The house, when Silvanus finally came across it, was unexpected, but beautiful. Created from rough hewn stone, it blended into the surrounding area, a wide porch jutting out over a natural cliff in the landscape. Rugged. Sensible. Permanent. Those were the words that Silvanus thought of as he climbed the simple steps and opened the front door. Magical wards crackled over his skin, but after a moment they let him pass.

  Inside, the simplicity and endurance themes continued. Comfy couches, thick rugs on re-purposed polished wooden floors. Huge windows made the most of the light and the glorious view. The one thing that struck Silvanus as totally out of place, was a large sixty five inch television that looked to be a recent addition. The carelessly slung remote on the couch, and the dip in the cushions indicated Artemas had spent his “holiday” trying to blunt his mind with daytime television.

  “That poor unhappy soul,” Silvanus muttered as he strode across to where his book lit up, having sensed his return. “Has he touched your pages, read just one word of what I left for him?” It was clear from the uncluttered aura around his journal, that Artemas had not. And yet, he brought it with him, on this holiday of his, and it’s displayed, not hidden away in a drawer or a cupboard but placed in such a way he can see it from wherever he is in the room.

  It wasn’t a lot to pin any hopes on, but in the absence of anything else, Silvanus decided the book’s position was a positive sign. Artemas hadn’t forgotten him which must mean he still felt their connection. “Stage two,” he said running his hand over the worn book cover. “It’s time to woo our man and show him his worth. And for that, I might need a little bit of help.”

  Chapter Seven

  “How many times do I…. Oh, it’s you two.” Artemas grit his teeth as Nereus and Lasse came through the library door. Yes, he was back in the place he was most comfortable, his lack of desire to see his father outweighed by the need to ply his mind to something more interesting than the relationship habits of humans on television dramas. In Artemas’s opinion, any dramas were of the characters’ own making and could be resolved with a simple honest discussion. But then the programs wouldn’t be considered “drama” and an entire season would be over in thirty minutes. Hopefully, Nereus’ and Lasse’s visit wouldn’t bring any drama either.

  “It’s not like you two to leave your mates and offspring,” Artemas managed a semi-pleasant tone, as he leaned back in his chair, resting his arms on the sides. “What did you need help finding this time?”

  “Can’t we take the time to visit our brother, the man who raised us and made us into the demi-gods we are today?” Flicking his hair back from his shoulders, Nereus conjured a chair, sitting gracefully. Lasse followed suit, the pair of them grinning at him like idiots.

  “What have you done?” Artemas remembered those looks back when Nereus learned to call the waters for the first time and flooded Poseidon’s throne room. Lasse wasn’t much better, although it was his father’s bed he’d flooded when he had a misguided idea that Poseidon would like breakfast in bed. Neither their father, nor his companion of the hour were impressed.

  “Nothing at all,” Lasse said, his smile widening as he shared a look with Nereus. Two years apart in age, most of the gods lumped them together as twins, but Lasse was slightly bigger and broader than his brother, his hair lighter, and his beard a lot bushier than Nereus allowed his to grow. “Do we need a reason to come and visit our favorite brother?”

  “A social call?” Artemas quirked his left eyebrow. “I can’t remember the last time that happened. Shall I pour tea?” He waved his hand, his papers and books on the large round table disappearing, replaced by a family-sized china tea pot, complete with sugar bowl and milk jug. “Or would you prefer something stronger?” A range of booze bottles from absinthe to whiskey ringed the table.

  “We got to thinking,” Nereus said, leaning forward in his chair and resting his elbows on his knees. “We don’t think we ever let you know how much you did for us, when we first came to live here, and how much it meant to us.”

  “That’s right,” Lasse nodded eagerly. “I mean, it was a scary time back then, for me and my brother. Taken away from the only home we’d known, left here in this huge castle under the sea. After spending all our time in the House of the Sun, it was really hard to be surrounded by water all the time. But then you came along. You’d never even met us before, but you were the one who tucked us in at night, read us bedtime stories until we fell asleep, and cooked our meals.”

  Artemas moved around in his chair uncomfortable with the way the conversation was going. “Poseidon was and still is a very busy man. I couldn’t leave the two of you to flounder about by yourselves. You’d have got lost.” It’d happened to him a few times when he first came to live with his father.

  “The thing is, no one ordered you to care for us. Dad never said, hey Artie, look after your brothers for me,” Nereus persisted. “You just did it, out of the goodness of your heart. We were two half brothers you didn’t know existed until we got dumped here….”

  “I thought you’d made your peace with Abraxas for what he had to do at the time,” Artemas said sharply, remembering the thousand year grudge that stopped Nereus from being around when Abraxas visited every five years.

  “I have,” Nereus said, holding out his hands in a gesture of peace. “We’re very close now and I’m glad for that too. But the fact still remains, you, out of all our kin, were the one who made us feel welcome, taught us how to shift for the first time into our Mer form, and made sure we had an education. I wouldn’t have been half the man I am today, if it wasn’t for you.”

  “Or me,” Lasse agreed. “I know it was centuries ago, but me and Ner, we remember the kindness you showed us. I still recall the nights I lay crying for Abraxas, and you’d come in and just sit by me. You’d never say anything, you’d just stroke my shoulder and let me know I wasn’t alone.”

  “You’d stay until we were fast asleep,” Nereus smiled. “You were there for me the first time I had my heart broken, and you were the first one to implore me to be safe when I used to take off with Sebastian to fight in the wars. Many a time, when I was away, I’d find a hidden box of home-made biscuits in my kit, or a short verse reminding me I still had family, even when I was hundreds of miles from home.”

  “You’re the one who showed me how a good father should act,” Lasse said. “When our little one was born, I was a bundle of nerves, but I’d remember how you taught me to hold a young one, when we were raising Baby. I never held a grudge against Abraxas, as you know, but it was you who taught me what caring for a child was all about.”

  Artemas swallowed hard, rubbing the place where his heart should’ve been. “Not that I don’t appreciate the sentiments, guys, but why are you telling me this now? All the things you mention happened fourteen, fifteen hundred years ago. You know I’ll always be here for you if you ever need help of any kind. We don’t need words to recognize the bonds between us. They’ve been centuries in the making.”

  This time the look Lasse and Nereus shared held a tinge of guilt. “We’re wo
rried about you,” Nereus said at last. “You shut yourself away, we never hear of you ever going out. I know you went to Poseidon and Claude’s party the night his twins were born, but you never come and see me and my mates….”

  “Or me and Jason,” Lasse added. “The gift you sent Terra was beautiful, but she’s four months old now, already sitting up and trying to pull herself up on the furniture. She’s never had the pleasure of being held in your arms.”

  Artemas immediately felt guilty. His brothers’ mates were blessings as was the child Jason bore for Lasse. “I’m sorry, I just…. There’s no excuse. You’re right. I should at least make the effort to visit you in Cloverleah Nereus, and you in Greece, Lasse. And I hear Thor’s expecting too. I haven’t even sent my congratulations to the happy couple. I’ll make myself a note, and visit soon, I promise.”

  “We’re only worried about you because we love you, brother.” Artemas could see the honesty shining in Nereus’s blue eyes.

  “We just want you to be as happy in love as we are,” Lasse added. “You’re not going to find that burying your nose in books all the time.”

  Artemas’s heart ached as he thought about Silvanus. Two days he’d spent in Fiordland before curiosity won out and he translocated to his home in Sydney. Silvanus’s book was gone and only the scent of Jasmine remained. With no book to collect, Silvanus had no reason to seek him out again. Unable to handle the sadness the thought gave him, that Silvanus was no better than any other god he’d met, Artemas had retreated to the library under the sea. “I don’t think that sort of love is going to come for me,” he said, his voice thickening. “But believe me, I get by alone. I’ve been that way most of my life.”

  “I don’t believe the Fates have forgotten you,” Nereus said as he stood up. Reaching into his leather jacket, he pulled out a small cloth covered parcel which he handed over the table. Before he even touched it, Artemas knew what it was. “The god known as Silvanus asked us to give this to you, sending his love alongside our own. Please, read it this time, brother.”